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Leaving the past behind

Smashing a plate on which was written the bottled-up thoughts, feelings and emotions about the abuse she had suffered brought Lily Young* a great sense of peace.

The plate-smashing technique is one used by women as part of Family Works Northern’s Women Against Violence (WAVE) programme as a way of letting go of the hurt and pain they have experienced from abusive relationships.

For Lily, the programme has been an important part of her journey out of abuse and has helped her create a better life.

After twelve years of living with an abusive partner, Lily found the courage and strength to leave him for the sake of her four-year-old daughter. The final straw came when after a particularly heated fight, her partner locked her daughter in a room with him and refused to let Lily in, despite her plea’s to let her daughter out.

Lily endured years of being told she was crazy in the head, stupid and useless. It was constant emotional abuse like this that eroded Lily’s confidence, leaving her with extremely low self-esteem and suffering from depression.

After she had made the decision to leave the relationship, Lily discovered Family Works and the services they offered that could give her the support she needed to get through this difficult time.

Lily signed up for the WAVE programme, despite feeling that she hadn’t suffered the terrible physical abuse the way some women had. Lily soon learnt however that the damage caused by psychological abuse is often even more damaging than physical blows.

Lily would recommend the WAVE programme to any women who has been in an abusive relationship. Through it, she has met some wonderful women that she still keeps in touch with on a regular basis. And she’s planning on making an appearance at the next WAVE programme to share her experiences and encourage the attendees in their journey out of violence.

Through programmes such as Women Against Violence, Family Works is committed to making a difference in the lives of those who have experience violence and abuse.

As part of White Ribbon Day, held on Wednesday 25 November, Family Works Northern sites from Whangarei to Taupo will be taking a stand against violence towards women. They are organising activities such as display stands, getting involved in community events, putting up white ribbons in public areas, distributing information to local communities and even taking part in a tug-of-war awareness stunt in Tauranga.

Family Works Northern, the child and family service of Presbyterian Support Northern, work alongside children and their families to make positive and lasting differences in their lives – working towards a vision that New Zealand becomes the best place in the world to raise children in flourishing families.

Family Works Northern has community-based sites located in Whangarei, Albany, Auckland, East Auckland, Waitakere, Manukau City, Waikato, Tauranga, Whakatane, Rotorua and Taupo.

*names have been changed to protect the anonymity of the family involved

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